Get Rid of that Old Baby 2003- Time for 2004!

Ah yes, 2003. A somewhat monumental year for me. The year I turned 30 which was not that bad. Not when you have your closest friends celebrating with you with a quiet dinner. Other things that occurred in my life this past year include:

1) Getting my road bike- A custom made Gunnar Sport road bike whom I affectionally call Maria Belvie Miranda or Mabelda for short. Finally I can zoom after going through two AIDS rides with the Divamobile, my chunky hybrid which now functions as my commuter bike.

2) Running the New York City Marathon- My first marathon in 5 years. It's about time I got back into running seriously.

3) Going blonde- An experiment that Kevin did where he had the front a nice honey blond and bright brown highlights around my head. Chunks and chunks of highlights. Now I want to get rid of it. That phase in my life is done.

4) Going to New York City- That was my highlight trip this year. It was nice going back to the East Coast after 6 years. With JetBlue which means cheap airfare and Alain moving out there to start off his new life, it's most likely something I will do quite often.

5) Moving to the Mission- From the suburban Outer Mission to the actual Mission neighborhood in San Francisco was a great move. I have cool roommates and just being in the center of it all- what can I say. Except once in awhile, I do get sick of burritos from taquerias and bums taking a shit on the sidewalk in front of my apartment. Then I go back to my rural than corrupted suburban roots of San Bernardino and seeing 5 fast food chains in one block makes me appreciate what I have- a diverse neighborhood with Mom and Pop places for me to shop and hang out and eat.

6) craigslist.org- Yes, the community bulletin board with its origins here in San Francisco. Where everyone finds a roommate, a job, a place to live, a place to get stuff, a place to sell stuff, a place to find things to do and a place to find a date. I did post an ad there and had a great time of dating and it did restore my hope that yes there are some great single Asian guys in their 30s that are neither gay nor settled down and became the Asian version of Ward Cleaver.

There are some things that I do want to forget that occurred in 2003 and things that I did in 2003 that I would never want to do in the near future. Like liquidate my IRA accounts (OK, don't ask why; you do what you need to do). Or go into a freelancing gig without a contract (Rachel taught me that). Or taking a job that is somewhat below you (I swear, I will never work retail during the holiday season after this one). Or knowing when to get out of something that is never going to work (in other words, if it ain't gonna happen, LEAVE!). However, these are valuable lessons that I have learned in those things.

But 2004- the year of Presidential Elections and the Summer Olympics. What do I want to see for myself in the coming year. I guess this is what you call the New Year's Resolution List but I usually sit down and make up a list of quarterly goals. Therefore, it doesn't seem so moumental.

So for the first three months of 2004, here's what I want to have done for myself-

1) taken the LSAT and doing well this time

2) left the retail world of Banana Republic and doing something I love, like public relations and writing, specifically in the non-profit sector

3) signed up for the Chicago Marathon- yeah, here is my key race for 2004. Hopefully my time will be better.

4) talk to a few of my friends who have graduated from the law schools I want to attend- I need to know if I can see myself in the places before I send in the applications.

5) spending more time on my road bike- seriously, I need to. I've been neglecting Mabelda for my running shoes.

6) starting speed workouts with the San Francisco Road Runners- hey, if I'm going to run a faster time for the Chicago Marathon, you need to start somewhere.

7) eating better- it does sound vague but I seriously want to eat a little more nutritiously in terms of more veggies, drinking enough water each day, going easy on sweets. Not exactly diet but be mindful of what I do put in my system.

8) going back to practicing yoga- I think I seriously need to do this so that I can focus on the things that are important instead of getting my head all bent out of shape.

I stopped at 8. 8 is that lucky number in Chinese. I could have done 10 for the top 10 but I couldn't really think of 2 more. So there it is.

Happy 2004 everyone!

Not So Forever Your Girl

So here I am listening to one of albums I used to listen to during my teen years while going to Redlands Senior High School down in Southern California. It happens to be Laker Girl now turned American Idol judge Paula Abdul's first self-titled album. As I am procrastinating and going through a bad bout of writer's block for one of my resumes I have yet to turn in, I start doing what I do when I have a bout of writer's block- I write in my journal- either the paper one or the electronic one, depending on what is close by.

One song on the album made me ponder about something that has been on my mind most of this week. The song- "Forever Your Girl". The topic- the "M" word...marriage, matrimony, the infamous M.R.S....whatever you call it. It somewhat brings a queasy feeling to my stomach, somewhat of a cross from a reaction from eating a bad burrito at some awful taqueria and seasickness.

I mean, almost like every little girl, there were days where I would ponder the day about getting married, keeping in mind Filipino Catholic wedding traditions and wondering what kind of gown I would wear, what kind of ceremony would I have, who would be in my wedding party, yada, yada, yada. As I got older and close to marrying age, I got to witness the angst and pains of planning for the big day from my friends and relatives. I got the view of wanting your wedding one way while the future mother-in-law wants it her way which was opposite of what you wanted thanks to Andrea. I got the "I can't find a venue big enough for my wedding banquet within my budget" headache from Cindy. Ella's wedding gave me a view of the inside family politics of who gets to be in your wedding party. Seeing Florence and Allison's wedding invites (I went to Allison's and skipped Florence's) just made my head spin (I swear they must have had an average of 30 people in their wedding party alone). Then Ruby relocating to Fresno where her husband Emery grew up and wanted to have a family after having her life in suburban Los Angeles. Then Joy and Robert not only having to deal with big wedding plans but buying the house, trying to scrape up money for Robert's grad school tuition AND then having their first child 6 months after the wedding and their second child a little over a year after the first one. All of this to make a somewhat independent woman hurl in the bushes.

I think by the time I hit 30 or even 29, I had just gotten cyncial about the whole idea of being married. My luck in the realtionship department was an absolute zero- at times I felt that the Chicago Cubs would win the World Series before I get married. I even thought about not having kids, thinking that a totally kick ass ambitious career was much more important. With the rates where every other marriage ends in divorice, I figured that I might as well hone up the survival skills while I am at it that is build up the career and make sure the retirement plan is in order. And while I am at it, I wouldn't even change my name- I figured to just keep it. I didn't want to go through the painful process of changing it back to my maiden name in the case that I had to divorice my spouse. Somehow, having his name for a certain number of years would remind you of the pain and bullshit you would have to endure.

Then there was my own fears and angst about marriage. I wanted to do all these rather ambitious things- run the Boston Marathon, cycle through Europe, back pack through Southeast Asia, spend 6 months to a year in the Philippines working on some political stuff and AIDS activism, law school- things that would be rather ok for a single woman. Things that were OK for some single independent woman to just go off and do without asking for permission from anyone or being betrothed to anyone. I figured that once these things were out of the way, then I can settle down to being Mrs. So and So (Though I would not even think of using the M.R.S...I feel like I have to trade in the hoddie and the baby-ts and the Manhattan Portage messenger bag for some A line dress, pearls and heels ala Donna Reed or some imitation Jucee sweatpantsuit from some low end Macy's or Robinson's May...yikes!). However, I figured if I did become Mrs. So and So, the ambitious and fiesty me goes out the window...double yikes. Did I have to trade the hipster Pinay for suburban Daly City/ Cerritos/ National City Filipina housewife? Triple yikes!!!

I did argue my fears with a friend who was once married now divoriced now engaged to be married again. She said that being married doesn't mean having my ambitious wings being clipped. Yet, there is still a part of me that needs to get stuff done. I might be wrong on the having my wings clipped part. That I will have to see for myself once marriage comes around.

Even though I do have my marriage and committment angst, that doesn't stop me from imagining a nice wedding. During my runs in the mornings, I wonder if Citizen Cake or Tartine Bakery makes a good wedding cake as I pass by and get a wiff of whatever was baking. I wonder if my friend Kevin who is studying fashion design would design a cool wedding dress to show off my runner and cyclist toned body. I wonder if my godson Jesse will be old enough to take good direction when he has to play ring bearer for my wedding. I wonder if gerbera daisies and sunflowers are in season when I plan my wedding. I wonder how many people to invite and what cool places should I have my registry- the traditional Macy's and Crate and Barrel or the oh so cool R.E.I. and Williams-Sonoma. But all these things in good time I guess. I always told myself that Ma got married later in her life and so did one of my friends Cin (the one with the wedding banquet angst). So why rush?